Upon further review, Tender Reader, perhaps Jennifer Love Hewitt and I were not such a good idea after all. Perhaps a fairy-tale ending isn't in the cards for me. I mean, she HAS been with Carson Daly, Enrique Iglesias, and Seth Green. You don't walk away from such things totally unscathed. She must have took something with her that she can't return. I am not that worried about the white guys, but that Enrique guy has me worried. He IS a Latin-Hispanic-Spaniard of some sort, and we all know that the word herpes comes from the Latin word for "What the fuck is that?" One can never be too careful. You can never trust a Spaniard, not even that Inigo Montoya fellow from "The Princess Bride." Who knows what kind of cold sores that mustache of his could have been hiding?
Now on to the topic of the day, which is talking during sex. I love talking during sex, though I must say that my phone bills are getting just a little outrageous. You have to talk during sex to make it great for both parties, but the worst part about talking during sex is occasionally the girl talks back. In bed is the only place I am good at following directions. You say faster? Okay, I will pick up the pace. You say harder? Okay, I can do that for you. You say deeper? Hold up now. I can't do shit for ya on that one. That is pretty much all I got. I could stand on my tippy-toes and try to squeeze my butt-cheeks together if I thought that would give me an extra quarter-inch, but I am pretty sure we have reached an impasse on this one. I'm sorry if this disappoints you, but I am doing my best here, and that is all my parents ever said I had to do and I would be okay. So if you don't like it, take it up with my folks. That conversation wouldn't be awkward at all. Communication really is key to any good sexual relationship. If you can't tell the person you are with what you want, and how you want it, how are they supposed to know?
I would like to take this time to sum up our previous month or so together. No matter what has happened to me in the past, it doesn't mean that I don't deserve the whole pie. Yeah, I will be thirty soon and still single, but so what? We could all be married if we were willing to settle (Thanks for the quote "Ramblin' Woman." Just for the last line though. I will give credit where credit is due, but this is my damn blog.) We must learn to never settle. That doesn't mean you can't compromise on certain things. If you love Strawberry Lemonade Kool-Aid, but she loves Great Bluedini, just let it go. Compromise and communication are what make a relationship work. I will be taking a short break from the blog, a pause for the cause so to speak. I will be on vacation from my paying job and plan on taking one from this one as well. A little "Me" time for the Captain. Until next time, Tender Reader.