Welcome back, Tender Reader. A lot of people have asked me recently why I have put up with some of the things that I did in the past. I think we can all make excuses for almost anything when emotions or great sex start clouding our judgement. We can always think of a good reason to stay. For example, years ago, some friends of mine asked why I continued to let "The Succubus" take advantage of me. I said, "Guys, she gave me roadhead." Well a lot of girls do that, right? No, you don't understand... SHE was driving the car. Understand, now? Something I don't understand is why when women without children are getting older, closer to 40 to be more specific, all they can think about is HAVING kids. But with men, the closer they get to 40, all they can think about is DATING kids. I recently turned 30 and I don't think I would date a girl younger than 25. If you didn't watch Thundercats and Fraggle Rock, just keep steppin'.
While we are on the subject of disbelief, I am having a hard time understanding what the hell is going on with women and their germophobia. What is up with you and your toothbrush? If I understand correctly, at some point in your life, there will be nearly ten pounds of baby coming out of your vagina, with a near-stranger's hands inside of you. He will pull your child out, try to show the child to the guy you claimed was the father, and the afterbirth, or alien-cocoon-membrane, will follow shortly after. They will wipe the ectoplasm from your baby, and then act like they give a shit about you while they hand the child over still somewhat covered in goo. So... you will hold an infant covered in fetal matter and illigetimacy, but you won't let your boyfriend use your toothbrush? Do we see something wrong with this equation? You are now holding a professionally-swaddled-carrier-monkey, and you have no problem with sucking my cock three times a week.......Now, let me use your fucking toothbrush.
The thing I have the hardest time understanding is the discrepancy in beauty and self-esteem. You show me a girl with good self-esteem, I will show you an ugly girl. The prettier they get, the more they seem to hate themselves. "Too skinny" ceases to exist, and men can now feel free to beat on them, because they hate themselves anyway. Learn to love you for you, no matter what you look like. If you don't like who you are inside, you will never like what you see in a mirror. You have to learn to look yourself in the eye. Last but not least, I don't understand why THESE are the three things all people think they have. And they are wrong on all counts, but the three things all people think they have is good taste in music, a good sense of humor, and a good "Slingblade" impression. You think I am kidding? Next time you are around a group of friends, just bust out some "MMMmmm French fried taters" and enjoy watching those fuckers make fools of themselves. Until next time, Tender Reader.