8/23/2011

Drunks, Death, and Dildos

      Gentle Reader (back by popular demand), I welcome you back for another action-packed episode. I want to start by saying that this vibrator craze is getting a little out of hand. I understand a dildo, but a vibrator creates a sensation that a real man could never duplicate, unless you're Michael J. Fox. These things are packing NASA technology these days. With pearls spinning around and some fucking thing that looks like Beaker from "The Muppets" sticking out of the side. I understand trying to rub one out, but let's not get greedy ladies. Were you the middle child and not hugged enough when you were little?

NASA Vibrator


Beaker from "The Muppets"         

      I appreciate all of the sharing of the blog that has taken place recently. I've heard from a lot of people whose friends wanted to find how to keep up with it. Almost all of the feedback has been positive. All except for a friend of one reader. This reader said, "My friend read it, and said you left a bad taste in her mouth." That's odd. That normally doesn't happen until at least the second date. Speaking of second dates, I need to find a girl I'm compatible with. It needs to be someone that drinks. I don't need anyone counting my beers for me. "Really? Another one? How many have you had?"...... And what's your point? I don't know how many I've had. Apparently not enough to make me stop disliking you right now. Or enough to make you prettier than your sister.  Perhaps you should just let me go with it. And why are carrying around an abacus in your pocket?

Abacus - For those not smart enough to get the last joke
      On a final note, I am curious as to why when assholes die, we have to talk about them and treat them like angels. Just because you aren't here anymore, doesn't mean you weren't a fucking prick. Once you're gone, people will always act like they cared about you more than everyone else did and only speak of the good things you did. So on the bright side, at least I have that going for me, which is nice. My eulogy is probably going to be pretty short, but at least I will go out on a high note. Until next time, GENTLE Reader.

1 comment:

  1. I just hope someone I hate doesn't show up at my funeral out of respect, or ask for forgiveness. Fuck 'em! I'm dead!

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