Tender Reader, the craziest shit just happened to me. I was sitting in my front yard trying to watch the meteor shower, when I hear movement in the grass. I jump up, my motion detector light comes on, and there is a possum standing six inches from my foot. I shout, "What the FUCK?" The possum gets so scared he takes off running so fast that he runs straight into the side of my house, apparently knocking himself out and giving himself a concussion. The combination of fear, funny, and alcohol now has me laying in the front yard laughing until tears are running down my face. This is the point at which the possum decides to regain consciousness and starts running straight at me. I instantly levitate to my feet and again shout, "What the FUCK?" as I run my ass back inside the house screaming like an 8 year old girl. I slam the door and immediately lock the deadbolt; Apparently thinking that a fucking marsupial knows how to work a doorknob, and then I fall over laughing again. Did that shit really just happen to me? Yes, it did. Freaky little bastards.
On a side note, I will be joining the twitter nation sometime in the near future. Follow me at @CaptMilesLong.